Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
