you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
she peed on how many people?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
