Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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