i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Randomize
