I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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