fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
