Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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