Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize