rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
