we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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