69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
