my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
