why im i the only drunk person in the library?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
