I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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