im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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