i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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