5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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