"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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