My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
my liver is dry heaving
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
