Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Randomize
