Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
