its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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