with your own penis?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
