I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Randomize
