i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
