The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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