what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
