I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
