roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
