dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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