just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
