i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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