he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
