My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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