your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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