Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
