when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
