I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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