At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.