i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
so let's talk penis.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk