She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
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its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
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I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.