You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
