Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"