we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
it's like heaven, but drunker
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.