hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
