Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
