people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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