Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Boobs speak an international language.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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