At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize