every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
