this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
