dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Terrible idea I love it
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
