We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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