the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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