I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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