sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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