Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
It's rum buckets o'clock
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
