Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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