cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
