So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
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that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
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I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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