So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
