so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
