I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
