My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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