New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
