Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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