At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
