he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
