He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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