i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
