there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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