Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
