Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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