Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
