it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
