Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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