my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Randomize
