he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
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