i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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