I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
