I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
